Movie Review: Meteor Apocalypse (2010)

Here I am; Disaster Fangirl reporting in with another movie where our beloved Earth is either destroyed or beat up really badly. As I wandered through Blockbuster Video to look for a couple things to rent, this movie caught my eye. Rather, it was the title that caught my eye. Then I picked up the case and read it and thought: Woot! Claudia Christian! I haven’t seen much of her in anything since Babylon 5. Unfortunately in this movie you still don’t see much of her. I was disappointed.

Okay, it’s time for a quick quiz. In nearly every End of the World movie that involves objects in space (meteors, meteorites, comet or rogue planets) there has been a consistent theme in what will or will not work. Nuclear missiles are a very bad idea. To paraphrase a line from Independence Day “You want to turn one dangerous object into hundreds of dangerous objects”. So the all the nuclear missiles in the world were shot at this comet that was on a collision course with earth. Of course they managed to toss a line in about regretting nuclear disarmament. I’m not going to address that. Needless to say it backfires. Not only is the comet aka meteor going to hit the earth but thousands of meteorites is going to striking the earth randomly without warning.

I could go further with the logistics of firing missiles from around the world with the rotation of the earth the trajectory of the comet aka meteor (really, they can’t make up their minds what to call it) as well as the speed…. I’m getting a headache but my fellow nerds will understand the difficulty involved.

So our hero, David (Joe Lando), has to run to work where he figures out before anyone else in the country including the CDC that the water has been poisoned. Huh? He’s good. Real good. I’m guessing that building is some kind of water treatment plant somewhere between Los Angles and Las Vegas. They were never clear on that. Poisoned by what is never clear, but it means that all ground water or anything from the tap is bad for you. The more you drink, the quicker you die. And you will die painfully.

So David hurries home only to find his entire neighborhood being evacuated including his wife and daughter. Claudia Christian cameo alert! Why are they being evacuated? We’re not really sure about that either. They allude to a pathogen, quarantines and needing cures.

So off David goes chasing after his wife and kid. First he heads for Las Vegas, through the desert, with no supplies and no plan. He finds and rescues Lynn (Cooper Harris) who was convulsing after drinking a soda. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. So he jabs her with some drug he swiped from the paramedics and does CPR on her. Other than eye-candy, the character has no real purpose. She’s sick most of the time but she has incredible stamina as she and David run across the desert dodging meteorites, bad guys on ATVs and a limited water supply. Another topic I’m not going to try to explain. I can usually BS an explanation for dumb stuff in movies, but this one is beyond my incredible ability and talent. And in the end, she dies. If she wasn’t there I don’t think there would be any difference in the plot.

So David gets to Las Vegas to find out that the refugees aka infected (though when this became disease I still haven’t figured out). But the federal building where they were kept was destroyed by a meteorite. But lucky he ‘happens’ to find out they were relocated to Los Angeles. On the way there they find out that the comet aka meteor is going to hit L.A. They arrive in the city of Angels to find the detention center was hit by a meteorite.

I could go on, but the series of events and people encountered would turn this review into a novella. If you’re really that curious then rent or buy as you will. However, if you like bad movies, which I fortunately do enjoy, this fits in that category and should be part of any Bad Movie collection.